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by

ariana sexton-hughes

friday, march 27, 2009 – 11:45pm
manicdepression

manic
depression

in this moment
i battle
depression

a darkness
without reprieve
a darkness
without dawn
a tension
without release
an anger
directed inside
a lethargy
without acquittal
a black hole
without escape

depression
sensitivity
to sound
to light
to touch
to motion

depression
an inability
to feel
excitement
and joy
energy
and love
faith
and comfort

depression
a hunger
a craving
for something
so far
so far away
that
it hurts

depression
pain
in every joint
pain
in every bone
pain
in every pore
pain
unquenched
pain
relived
pain
without end

depression
a loss
of appetite
of drive
of faith
of fire
of hope
of desire

depression
for me
it lives
beneath
everything
i do
everything
i say
everything
i feel

mania?
oh, she can be
my bestest best friend
forever
and
ever

mania
makes me dance
mania makes me shine
mania makes me write
mania makes it right

with mania
i am up
all night
i can do
i discover
i argue
i explore
i devour
every morsel
of life

mania
is a state
a nation
a country
where
i get things done
where work equals fun
where pain is a conquest
where vision bright
where i fight
for life

but, mania
oh, my very, very bestest best friend
writhing
uncomfortable
itchy
itching
twitching
glitching
unsure
uncertain
unfounded
accusations
unbound procrastination
unfounded prognostication
angry mastication
sleepless
restless
unwieldy
unyielding
unrelenting
energy
unnerving
nervous
and
angry
impervious
and
demanding
perfectionist
and
destructive
the teacher’s pet
lost in footnotes
the dean’s list
friendless
starvation
friendless
all night
all-nighters
every night
sleep
not
an
option
feckless
attempts
at
brilliance
the fuse
blowing up the candle
creation
destroyed
in acts
of
creative
destruction

mania
manic
manic
man
ick

please
release me

my mania
my depression

please
and do it
without depakote
or some other off-label
anti-psychotic
anti-seizure
antidote

there is none
no hope
none
at
all
none

my mania
my depression

please
please?
oh, pretty f*cking please
release me

manicdepression

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